Mutual Trust for Fun and Profit

Close your eyes and slowly lean backwards until you fall. If no one is there to catch you, you're attending the wrong team building exercise. There is one of two lessons to be learned here. First, be sure to confirm the correct meeting room, especially if you use Outlook as your scheduler. It is widely suspected that the Cult of Cthulhu initially spec'ed the design of this to drive their members insane. Probably the last time this product met its design goals.

Secondly, you could become a martial artist and learn how to fall correctly. It's amazing how experience in the martial arts can be applied to the business world. Here's just a few of the ways it can be applied.

But first, I want to mention a basic tenet in the style I study, train and teach in:

"Respect for yourself, your family, the school, and it's students."

If you broaden the definitions here, you can apply it to any hierarchy you choose.

Now to that list!

1. Falling - learning how to kiss the pavement without injury is an important skill useful when you receive an unexpected compliment and may lose consciousness.
2. Locks, Arm Bars and other types of immobilization - useful in various negotiation situations, either internal or external. Remember, when reversing the vice grip of an over-enthusiastic colleague out to impress you with their firm handshake, it may be excessive to reverse the grip into a lock and slam their face into the nearest wall while muttering, "Kiss plaster, Tinkerbell!" This is not recommended during Performance Reviews.
3. The ability to grab a fly out of mid-air with chopsticks - This technique is often used to impress your boss with your patience and perseverance but is not recommended because once you catch the fly you will then be expected to eat it. Offering to share will only make matters worse.
4. The ability to kick a person in the head, either with good control or full force - This is akin to owning a sports car and can be used in the same way. When the person you directly report to tells you that the work you painstakingly do is going to be outsourced to a vendor better suited to septic design you can console yourself with the thought, "I could put my foot so close to his ear he would mistake it for an ear ring." Of course, remembering the tenet above you would never do such a thing. Really, never.

There are many more possibilities and I may post as seems necessary. Suggestions are also welcome.

Serious foot note: The above is meant in the spirit of humor, satire and eye opening. I have trained for many years and believe the biggest lesson I have learned is how NOT to fight.

I Get It!

I get it! I finally get it!

Dilbert by Scott Adams

Cultured Zombies

A brief message from our sponsor.*




I just wanted to take a moment and clarify the difference between Classic Zombies and New Zombies. Why this is important I really don't know, but it seems to be. The original movie zombie first appeared in White Zombie, an independent production starring Bela Lugosi. The zombies in this film were the half dead minions of Lugosi's sinister character who were enslaved to do his evil bidding. This set the tone for your average zombie of the time – half dead, possibly stolen from the grave and in thrall to some sinister force.

New Zombies appeared first in George Romero's Night of the Living Dead. This was the first of the brain eating, mob controlled, apocalyptic, flesh dripping undead. This movie set the tone for many modern zombie films including four more in the Romero series and an endless number of films including remakes and parodies. Romero's films set themselves apart by including some pretty involved social commentary. For more info:

White Zombie on IMDB

White Zombie on Wikipedia

Night of the Living Dead on IMDB

Night of the Living Dead on Wikipedia

* If you seriously think this is sponsored by Zombies then there isn't much I can do for you, except, "Look deep into my eyes . . ."

The Beginning of the Zombie Apocolypse

Okay, now what?

Dilbert by Scott Adams

Advanced Team Building

"Now, you have to trust your co-worker!"

Just a short bit here, mostly because I like the screen capture from The Crimson Ghost.

I’ve been involved in any number of team building activities and I’ve come to the conclusion that most of them are created out of desperation, usually from pretty far on high. The truly good ones sneak up on you. It isn’t until months later that you realize, “Oh! That was a neat exercise" while you are actually working with your coworkers. They're certainly not the ones that are going to make you say to yourself, let alone out loud, “I really feel the synergy, let’s group hug!”

The two worst team building exercises I've had the pleasure to be part of compete for my very own WTF award. First, the managers of a Big Box Computer Store being collectively written up for not selling enough service plans. Secondly, at another job, being guilted into eating together in the company cafeteria so that our department could have the appearance of having a “cool table.” No kidding, a “cool table.”

Sheesh!

The best team building I found was when you didn’t need any. The best staff I ever saw was for a company my dad worked and was ultimately the Executive VP for. They specialized in mining, refining and recycling materials no one else wanted to deal with and were quite successful at it. They were in several states and two other countries as well. Although I’m sure they happened, I don’t remember a labor dispute or similar issue in the time we were associated with the company. More time and energy was spent interacting with various federal and state agencies. The point here is that the company was managed well enough and the decision makers respected enough that there existed a level of trust that no team building exercise could replace.

Trust. Earned, not mandated.

A Universal Truth.

I can't stand it - this is about as close to a universal truth as I can think of.

Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis