I would say nothing makes you realize how unique you are in life than when you become a parent but my point of reference is biased. How can you describe to someone who hasn’t felt it the overwhelming feeling of trust that engulfs you when you look deep into a child’s eyes, your child’s eyes?
I thought I understood it, but I didn’t.
Now I do and it scares the hell out of me.
It’s a good scaring the hell out of you because it is part of a larger (almost wrote lager there for a moment), a larger . . . “thing.”
It’s beautiful because it has allowed me to love my wife even more, something I did not think possible. It has made me appreciate innocence and wonder more. It’s made me “more.”
It’s also done one more thing, one new thing. It has made me realize that part of me has to grow up. Not the part that sees wonder and humor in every moment. Not the part that let’s me and a six year old share a joke their parents don’t even understand. Not the part that makes me young, but the part in me that lets me see what I need to be to the young, our young. And that’s not a bad thing.
It’s quite an eye opener for someone who has been teaching, and I still believe successfully, young and old people how to allow themselves to be better people.
And me to be not as stupid a person as I have been.
I didn’t even know it had happened to me until it knocked me upside the head. I can’t remember the last time I played with my trains. Not because I haven’t, not because I don’t find it enjoyable any more. But because I’m not as stupid and petty about my time as I once was.
I’ll still play with them, maybe, hopefully, share my passion for my hobby with my daughter. I just don’t think I’ll be as stupid about it anymore.
